On the eve of the new year, December 29th, a woman A. (37 years old) came to see me with a request: she has had a desire to die her whole life, and now it seems that all the reasons to live have been exhausted. The woman announced that she has already made a will and has come up with a plan to commit suicide on December 31st, on New Year’s Eve.
“The request, honestly speaking, shocked me a little…”
I suggested starting work in partnership with A., who still wants to live. This turned out to be an image of a small, white, fluffy, trembling, frozen lump of about 4 years old, who had no opportunity to grow and develop. He felt lonely and unwanted. The client quietly cried. After using the technique of contemplating the rain (which helps to react to tears), I asked who prohibited the lump from developing. A.: A 6-year-old boy standing on the edge of the platform at the train station. A train is rushing towards him, and he is ready to throw himself under it. The boy reaches out to me. I didn’t understand what this boy had to do with A., so I asked the client to identify with the image of the boy, and A. from the image responded: A.: The lump called me when there was a hopeless situation. And I know how to get out of hopeless situations – to end my life, because all other options create even more problems. Since then, I’ve been with her. The woman felt uncomfortable and wanted to take her lump back, as it was scary to imagine what would happen to him under the train! We decided together not to delve into the boy’s story, but simply to let him go, taking the lump with us. T: Tell the boy, “You no longer need to be with the lump, because now it will always be with me, and I will take responsibility for its life. I thank you for your help, but from now on, I can handle it myself. I allow you to live your life, do whatever you want. I release you.” The boy and the whole picture with the station disappeared. The client suddenly remembered that there was her father’s brother in the family, who hanged himself at a fairly young age, and they still commemorate him at every family gathering. For some reason, she always imagined him as a boy, a child. I understand that we still have to return to the image of the boy. We return to the lump. He froze, under a cap, life passes by.
T: Whose cap is it? Who put it on?
A: Parents and sister, so that it wouldn’t bother them. Then I suggest returning the image of the cap to the mother and sister. They are surprised but take it. After that, the image of the lump was given permission to live, grow, develop, and bother adults. However, A. reported that handcuffs appeared on her, which, in her perception, belong to the boy. She also felt a feeling in her chest similar to a spear. We will have to work with these images a little later, but first I ask the client to repeat the permission words to the image of the lump. This time it changed: first it became a rabbit, then a six-month-old girl, and then a three-year-old. This girl was having fun, misbehaving, bothering adults, crawling under the table during family gatherings. I suggest misbehaving even more and climbing on the table: make a mess! A: Yes, she climbed on the table, jumps, sings loudly, drops and breaks dishes, she is having a lot of fun! T: Then tell her, “I allow you to live, to express yourself as you want, to do all this, and now I will always be there with you!” To check the changes, I ask the woman to identify with the image of the child – she feels very light and happy in it, she hasn’t felt these feelings for a long time. After that, the image of the child, with all its lightness, joy, carefreeness, and permission to live, was accepted by the client and settled in her whole body. A. reported pleasant, long-forgotten sensations and a lightness inside. Let’s go back to the images of the spear and handcuffs. Identifying with the image of the handcuffs, the woman realized that they symbolically reflect the connection with the state when ending life is the best option. The image of the boy seems to act according to the previous agreement. A: I want to break this agreement, it’s been dictating thoughts of suicide to me my whole life! I supported this proposal and helped with the formulations. A. said to the image of the boy: “Now I break this agreement, I don’t need it anymore, I can take responsibility for my own life. Nature gave me life, and I fully trust my life to the forces of nature. I choose life.” A: Yes, but when I say these words, I feel excitement and anxiety. The image of the part of the personality that worries turned out to be the image of A. at the age of 30-35. At that time, the client had problems with her husband, they were planning a divorce, and she was afraid that she would not be able to support herself financially. She felt hopeless. Then the adult A. supported herself through a “message from the future”: “I came from the future, and I know that everything will be fine for you, you will manage. I love you.” A: Then she calms down and agrees to break the contract. The image of the handcuffs disappears, and the client
In this unusual session, on one hand, an introjected image of a suicidal uncle was discovered, which was often remembered in a positive sense in the client’s family during childhood. On the other hand, an image of the woman’s inner child with the prescription “do not live” was found (which was freed from this prescription). Interestingly, both storylines were intertwined with each other (the child’s agreement with the introject) and even with events that had already happened to the adult A. (divorce). I am glad that the client had enough resources to see how the introject and the prescription “do not live” affect the desire to live, that she managed to free herself from them and find the desire to live and manifest.
On January 1st, she wrote me a New Year’s greeting and her plans for the year – there were a lot of travels, meetings, and ideas. Hooray!
This article is published in the collection of EOT cases.