Working with a rescuer

Client K., Request – constantly rushes to save everyone, forgetting about her own life.

I suggest imagining a rescuer in front of you.

K: This is a man on the beach, specifically a lifeguard. He is constantly on the lookout, expecting someone to drown or come to drown or be attacked by sharks. He is particularly concerned about children because adults are not watching them. He feels important.

Please identify yourself with the rescuer.

Me: How are you feeling?

K: I’m doing pretty well here, but overall I’m tired of the constant stress. I always have to be on the beach and watch over everyone, and even when I sleep at night, I worry that something will happen without me. I have to be on guard all the time, I can’t relax, and I dream of a vacation. My name is Yura (like K.’s dad). The management will be angry if something happens. If everyone followed the rules, it would be better, of course. Just recently, someone came here and decided to give birth, but I didn’t let her, she should go where it’s supposed to be.

I lack lightness, spontaneity, but if I become like that, everyone will get upset.

Me: Who is your boss?

K: parents.

Me: How old were you when they appointed you as a rescuer?

K: 5 years. For many years, they have been telling me that I should be responsible for others.

I ask you to imagine a 5-year-old child.

K: This is a girl, little K., she is sad, her hair is disheveled, she is restless, she has to run and watch over everything, because she has to answer for everyone. When I was 4.5 years old, my sister was born, and I started to be raised, and my mom constantly made me responsible for her own feelings. When I watch over her, I feel sad, tears even come up, because she has to do everything for everyone, but she doesn’t even have time for herself.

I suggest identifying with the girl.

K: I’m fed up with everyone! I’m unhappy, feeling sadness here, tired, everyone is getting on my nerves, because I have to take care of everyone, I’m responsible for everyone around me. I don’t have my own space where I can be myself, there’s no spontaneity, I owe everything to everyone, and I can’t talk to my parents about it, because either they won’t understand or they’ll just be busy with their own lives and won’t listen.

I suggest that adult Kseniya say to the girl:

I’m glad I found you, I know how you feel, you are very precious to me. I love you very much, and I am able to help you. Now you can be a happy and carefree child and not be responsible for other people and not meet expectations, and I will always be there for you.

You can be spontaneous, and I will provide you with a safe space for all your expressions. If you want, I will comb your hair and we will buy a beautiful dress.

K: The girl is feeling better, but she is still sad, just standing and looking at me. She would go play, but she is sad that everything turned out this way.

I suggest releasing all the damage she received from this condition and from the need to take responsibility for others.

K: Snakes crawl out of it and slither in different directions. She feels relieved. Now she is wearing a white school uniform with bows, holding a toy in her hands.

I suggest giving her back all the energy she spent carrying this responsibility within herself.

K: The energy returns in the form of a heart (human organ), the girl took this heart in her hands and began to bite it, and blood started flowing from her (*she realized that she still needs to release anger)). She dirtied her whole uniform and turned into a little vampire. I’m even afraid of her myself.

I propose to provide her with a safe space where she can express all her anger and emotions.

K: she finished eating the heart and started throwing feces, this goes on for a while (we’re waiting), she bit everyone, turned into a 2-year-old child sitting in a pool of blood at the scene of the fight. He is clean and sits and looks around. Like a newly hatched bird. He is calm, slightly surprised at what happened, emitting a bright energy. He appeared from the entire previous picture.

I suggest allowing him to be himself, to misbehave, to bother adults, to dirty his clothes. Everything is possible, it’s safe, I will always support you and provide you with a safe space, I will always be there for you.

The child becomes a glowing figure, emitting love and light.

I suggest K. to allow the child to take their place inside their own body with the words: I love you very much, and now we will always be together. I am you, and you are me!

To check, I ask K. – do you want to save someone now?
K: Of course not. I feel so peaceful, and I want to focus on myself and my own life. Thank you!